Today i did one of the most sensible things i have done in a long time. I started to feel unwell yesterday and am having today off. A sick day. Without waiting until i am at deaths door (which usually means i fall over when i try to walk). I feel bad for missing work but better about the fact that i am looking after myself. So sick day. I tried sleeping but the neighbour’s dog keeps howling so i am up and having some brunch (too close to lunch to be breakfast...) and doing some washing and emails. Stuff.
Means i have time to think about the blog for this week. I already know what i want to talk about today. I was thinking about it and now two other people have been talking to me about the same topic. Mid life crisis. I think the term itself sucks because even though i admit i am older now i really don’t fit into the mould of someone my age and with my qualifications.
I have to decide what i want to do. i have three options:
1. Stay as i am right now
2. Get a PhD and see where that leads me
3. Try for something new
I should do number two, am comfortable (and grateful) do be happy if i stuck with number one. What i really want is to go with option three. I have done it three times already. Find something new (and completely different) and make that my life. Having been so ill it makes sense to go with number three (isn’t that what you do when life gives you a second chance?) but i just don’t know if i have the energy to start all over again. Again.
If i were to start over i have been thinking:
· Teach (maybe at university/tafe level)
· Study remote sensing archaeology
· Enrol at art school
· Learn to write
· Get married and have children
· go into the desert and watch the stars.
These are just a few things. New things i would maybe like to try. Maybe not. They are just dreams. The thing is that a lot of my dreams have come true. When i put the effort in. When i start thinking about them seriously instead of just wishing. Wishing is a waste of time.
I would also love to travel. And i really did like field work. I like being around smart people doing things. I like talking. See i just don’t know. I can only say to myself “leave it a bit longer until you get your health back fully” before the time to do anything leaves me. I think.
Usually in my life things just happen. Some weird and wonderful things have happened to be sure. Just now i think i have to start making them happen myself. Or at least start small: learn to drive a car; maybe make a relationship work this time. That kind of thing. The kind of things other people seem to do with no effort at all which i can’t get my head around.
See this is what happens when i get sick. I get all maudlin. If i could taste anything at this point i would go find my secret chocolate stash.
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