been thinkin'

So i have been thinking. A lot. About stuff. Some of it very specific. Other times it is about concepts. I just really, really need to stop thinking and start acting though.
Firstly it is about my PhD. I think i need to stop waiting to “get better and stronger” and deal with what i have to work with now. I need that little bit of ego boost to help me ask for help and move forward with what i really want to do. I guess i have spent too long being worried that i am not good enough. Deep down i think i expect to fail (or to be told i am not good enough after all). I just need to get over it.

I also need to start doing things i love rather than doing what is expected of me.
I also need to get over the fact that i lost the two guys who may have been my “soul mate”. I lost one because i wasn’t what he want and the other because i thought he was way out of my league. I spent way too much time trying to figure out why i was not loved back (and trying to fix those things) and not able to see what just might have been right in front of me. I doubt it would have worked out (in either case) but at least in the latter i might have gained some great experiences.

I think i keep waiting around for “things to just happen” or for someone else to fix things for me. I never was very ambitious. Focussed, obsessive and passionate but not enough drive to fix things. I blame all those girly manners instilled at a young age ....

Also i can’t drive a car and am terrible with money.

Wish me luck and stay safe in your part of the world.